Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
