So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
