i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
True college students do jello shots in the library
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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