my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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