Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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