The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
