Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We got so high we made milksteak
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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