Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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