when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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