Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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