Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
