capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
