if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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