I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
