In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
