What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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