I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
