if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
