im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
