Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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