just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
