I got chris browned last night
True but thats because hes a fetus.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize