He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
