smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
