bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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