It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
