He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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