You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
