Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
