Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize