Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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