i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
