Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Congratulations! We have a period
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
