sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
