He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
