I'm lost and stupid without you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He better not be in your backpack
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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