i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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