He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
