i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
