do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
