That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
