haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
even my farts smell like vagina
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
