GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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