he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
