Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
jump out the window naked night went bad
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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