K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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