planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
