??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize