just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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