worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
