We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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