i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
