Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize