So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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