at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
