I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
