I wish I could teleport
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
