this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize