also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
