I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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