I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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