My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
