I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
