guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize